Of carbon, cement, and crowns.

A hard, strong substance like a diamond, a concrete wall, even a tooth, can withstand the test of pressure and beatings.

Sometimes though, the pressure can be too much. A sharp and/or pointed object can weaken and fracture any tough thing.

That’s why a lot of times, being strong isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

You can make any thing stronger by coating it with protection, creating a better foundation, or studying and rebuilding it.

But it needs to be broken to be rebuilt.

And not everything needs to be rebuilt.

 

 

Losing my desideratum, and now you…

 

Please forgive me for my distance
The pain is evident in my existence
Please forgive me for my distance
The shame is manifest in my resistance
To your love.

Surface Tension

Drop, drop, drop on top of that coin.
It only takes one drop more ’til you spill over that very little surface you try to hang on to.

Blow, blow, blow on that balloon.
It only takes one breath more to pop that delightfully senseless toy you don’t want to let go of.

Push, push, push yourself as much as you can.
It only takes one push more to finally slip off that grave edge you’re lightly standing on.

Pull, pull, pull that last thread–

But I’m not sorry.

Takas na. Takas lang.

Pero hindi ka pwede mawala. Kasi paano naman sila?

Dangerous Liaisons

Call me a sociopath, coz I may be just that.
Or I could be two people masquerading in your habitat.

All I think about is myself, maybe worse than Machiavelli.
Yet you take it and turn your legs into jelly.

Don’t fool yourself, wear me down, when you know they’re right.
I’ll ruin you, punish you, and cause you trouble in just one night.

Just be careful, baby run free yourself of me fast as you can.
Oh I will be the Kathryn to your Sebastian.

Distraction Metafiction

Remind yourself, hey! it’s not real. You’re only enjoying the cordiality–maybe the frivolity, coz of the kind thrill.

The euphoric feeling of being smitten–you can’t take seriously if you’re only there for the hilarity of duality, otherwise don’t get bitten.

It’s just a distraction–and you need a different one. Will you believe it if I say “fuck these generations of complications” for whenever you do anything, everything you can’t get undone?

Sa Dulo ng Lagusan

Akalain mo ‘yon…

Pwede pala na mahanap mo ang purpose mo sa buhay, pero instead na ikasaya mo, it’s little by little killing you inside. Parang itim na usok na unti-unting bumabalot sa kalooban mo, at kailangan mo pigilang umabot sa labas dahil walang pwedeng makakita.

Mapapaisip ka tuloy…

Dapat ba talaga na masaya ka kapag nahanap mo ang purpose mo sa buhay? O baka naman hindi ito ang purpose mo sa buhay dahil nga hindi ka masaya–dahil nga dapat masaya ka kung totoong ito ‘yon.

And then you think some more…

Ang selfish mo. Wala kang karapatan maramdaman ‘yon. Wala kang utang na loob. You’re just having a delusion of grandeur. Magpasalamat ka na lang. Move on. Give back. Feel not. Say naught.

Magsipag. Magsipag. Magsipag. ‘Pag pagod na, magpahinga. Matulog.

Tutal, sa tulog, makakahinga ka.

Sa tulog may ibang buhay. Minsan nakakatakot, minsan nakakainlab, minsan nakakahibang. Pero ibang buhay pa din.

And then little by little, as each part inside you is taken over by the black smoke, you dream less. Until you forget to dream at all.

You forget to dream. Or maybe, you just choose to forgo it entirely…

Dahil ang pangarap, hindi para sa lahat. Totoo, libre mangarap. Pero hindi naman lahat ng libre, para sa lahat.

Kalimutan na lang. Dun ka na lang sa purpose mo. Hindi ka naman nag-iisa na nababalot ng itim na usok.

Basta huwag mo hahayaang lumabas. Huwag.

Gone Gone Gone

 

In love, you give everything, until you’re gone. I guess that’s why those who were hurt are terrified to love again, in fear of disappearing once more.

Why can’t we love the right people? What is so wrong with us that we rush into situations to which we are manifestly unsuited, which will hurt us and others? Why are we given emotions which we cannot control and which move in exact contradiction to what we really want? We are walking conflicts, internal battles on legs.

 – Marian Keyes, The Other Side of the Story

Bad Wolf

I like you. A lot.

/But, I don’t want to.

/And I can’t.

/I know your type.

/You’re bad for me—

You’re a drug.

A perfect one at that.